First of all, let me say that Lucy Jo is doing great. She’s not feeling great, but her body is handling this cycle much better than the last couple. She plays, sleeps and smiles. Like I’ve mentioned in a previous post, we go back on Tuesday for scans and get our marching orders for a possible surgery.

Everything is going as planned. But then this happened…

I had to actually say the ‘c’ word today for the first time. The person I was speaking to had no idea about my life the last 2.5 months. So, when I had to explain it with the insertion of the actual C*nc^r  word, I realized at that moment I had a cotton ball in my throat. I couldn’t get the words out without soaking the cotton ball with tears. So they poured and they didn’t stop.

I thought about driving and sucking it up. I thought about swallowing the cotton ball and get on with the day. But I knew I would eventually explode and I didn’t want it to be in front of Charlie. Then, I thought about going home alone and just cry it out. Then I was reminded that I have an entire city of shoulders to cry on.

What do you do when you fall apart? Well, a little sister runs to her big sister. I. Literally. Fell. Apart.

I wish this situation on no parent. I hear, “I can’t imagine what you are going through.” Well if you want to try, say this out loud: “My baby girl has cancer.” Reading it is one thing. Typing it is another. But, SAYING it feels like a knife in my gut.

After Chrisy put me back together, I picked up Charlie. One of my fellow preschool moms told me she admired my strength and courage through my blog. This blog. The truth of the matter is that this blog lets me hide and not be brave. It’s kinda of like my online bathroom. Girls, you know what I’m talking about. When you were at school and you got upset, where did you go? The bathroom.

If I blog, I don’t have to talk.



3 thoughts on “C*nc^r

  1. I read your blogs and pray for your family. I haven’t replied here but I can’t imagine what you are going through. I hope she is getting our cards from Skaggs. I will be bring auction items on Sat. God is Good.


  2. I am so very sorry your family is having to go through this trial. It is perfectly OK to have a good cry, it does release pent up emotions. I am praying that your precious little one comes through her treatments without too much suffering and comes through a winner. This blog is so helpful to you (and others) so you don’t have to continually answer questions. Keep the faith!

    Love from your old music teacher


  3. Melody, I have a lump in my throat each time I read your posts. I am so glad you have you and Mark have your wonderful families and your enduring faith in God. Hugs and prayers for you all. Jan and Tom McGoldrick


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s