Wonder

I’ve said it multiple times in previous blogs. Lucy is doing well. She’s not showing any signs of pain and showing many signs of growth. That doesn’t make me feel any less nervous about her upcoming doctor’s appointment. I hate being a downer and complain about what we don’t even know.

My mom has had some plumbing issues this week. Her plumber has a son with cancer and she spoke to him about his experience. His son has leukemia and the battle they are currently facing is the 2^nd recurrence of cancer. She told him that I was nervous about recurrence. His advice was, “never let your guard down.”

It made me feel better because I was starting to feel like I was being dramatic and ridiculous for being so paranoid. Knowing that I’m not the only parent out there worrying about things we don’t know is comforting.

Now I wonder if I will ever be able to let my guard down. I wonder if I will ever be able to go back to the days when we didn’t worry about the ‘c’ word. I wonder if colds and fevers won’t be red flags. I wonder if I will ever be able to look at her scars and not tense up. I wonder if I will ever be able to hear the word ‘cancer’ and not clam up.

We still have to live so I wonder about other things too.

I WONDER if Charlie will remember when he was an elephant.

I WONDER if Lucy understand how important this Halloween is to her mama.

She’s my WONDER WOMAN!